The Wedding
by PsychoIdiotLady
Summary: A certain author forces the Sanzo party into orchestrating a wedding . . . but soon learns that messing with them isn't the best idea. By Author 1! No Yaoi, just complete crack.


**Goku and Gojyo's Wedding**

**Summary: A certain psychotic author decides to force the Sanzo party into marrying one another, only to learn that blackmailing the Sanzo party **_**isn't **_**the best idea. **

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Gojyo fixed his tie, glaring darkly at the black haired woman sitting a couple feet to the side. She was threateningly holding a voodoo doll of him - that was why he and the others had agreed to host a wedding. Giggling, the woman scribbled something in that damn notebook of hers, then snapped it shut and stuffed the doll into her bag.

"Ready?" she asked cheerfully. He glared at her again, but stopped as she twitched her ever present needle.

"Yes," he mumbled. Why the author was intent on humiliating him, he didn't know. What stung worse was that she had called _everyone _he had met - Houmei, Houmei's dad, even Kougaiji's group had agreed to a temporary truce. She had also invited plenty of hot chicks, gays, and stuffed rabbits.

"Great!" The woman bounced out, singing, "Oh, Gooooooooookuuuu!"

Gojyo plopped down in a chair, bracing himself for a terrible next three hours.

Goku whined as he sat down in his poofy white wedding dress. He didn't get why he was wearing such a stupid thing - wasn't he supposed to be traveling west?

"Oh, Gooooooooooooooooooooookuu!" Goku looked up, and spotted the lady who had orchestrated this.

"Why do I gotta wear a dress?" he whined. The lady's cheerful demeanor dropped, and she suddenly had a murderous look in her eye. Whipping out the doll of him, she pressed a needle to its brains, and, whimpering, Goku backed away.

"Are you ready?" she asked, cheerful once more. Nodding, Goku again asked, "Why do I gotta wear a dress?"

"You're getting married, duh!" she cried joyfully. Then, she glomped the poor guy.

"The monkey's getting married and leaving me all alone," she sobbed. Goku hesitantly patted her head.

"I'll visit!" he assured her. "And I'll bring lotsa food!" Anything to get the nut off of him.

Backing away, the woman _sparkled. _

"Well," she said, checking her watch. "Gojyo should be at the podium now!" On cue, wedding bells started to ring, and the Wedding March began to play.

"That's our cue!" she shouted. Grabbing Goku, she all but dragged him out.

The people's eyes turned as the bride arrived - and choked. When Gojyo's wedding invitation had been passed out, they had expected a hot chick that was good in bed - not the "idiot monkey," as Gojyo referred to him.

Gojyo glared at the woman. She had told him his bride had been cute - he wasn't expecting to kiss a _dude! _ He glanced at Sanzo, who was smoking and fiddling with the dress, and Hakkai, who was staring blankly ahead, probably shocked that Goku was the bride.

Goku whimpered as he passed Houmei. She was glaring at him, but how was he supposed to know he was the bride? And worse, he had _liked _Houmei! The author ignored his quiet protests, and continued marching him down the aisle with a gleeful expression on her face.

Kougaiji's group, minus Yaone, were fighting down laughter. Who knew the Sanzo party was full of _gays? _Gojyo scowled at his brother, who had fallen off his chair. Yaone was blushing - she hadn't expected to be at a gay wedding!

PIL couldn't have been more happy. She was witnessing a Sanzo party wedding! Of course, it _was _thanks to Kami's dolls that this was happening, but still - brilliance! Ever since writing the movie where Goku and Gojyo were beat up by buff women, she had been in a particularly vindictive mood. Her coauthor had stayed away from her (although it might just be because her coauthor had been on vacation, but that was no excuse for avoiding her!) while she plotted and planned against the four. Here she was, writing stories about them and they just _beat her up! _

When Goku reached the podium, she held up her needle as one last reminder, and slid away to stand next to Hakkai as the preacher began his speech. She had made sure that the preacher would be old and would ramble on and on with pauses in between each word. This way, the humiliation would drag on.

"Dearly . . . beloved . . . we . . . are . . . gathered . . . here . . . today . . . to . . . witness . . ." PIL yawned as Jeep hopped onto her shoulder, the dragon silently scolding her and her revenge methods.

* * *

PIL's eyes were drooping as the preacher completed his speech.

"You . . . may . . . now . . . kiss . . . the . . . bride . . ." When the preacher finished, he toppled off the podium and started to snore.

Gojyo jerked. "I AM NOT DOING THAT!" he shouted.

Goku yelped. "I AM NOT DOING THAT!" he hollered.

PIL glared, and held up the dolls, fingers going for the seams that held the heads and the bodies together. Paling, the two men jumped, looked at each other, and before Gojyo could brace himself, PIL forced the two dolls together in a lip lock.

The two stayed like that, with PIL directing where the hands went and . . . um . . . let's just say that many children were mentally scarred for life and most adults were on the floor laughing. Sanzo's mouth twitched, and Hakkai covered his mouth, shaking with laughter. They weren't particularly thrilled with the wedding preparations (the nut had insisted on an expensive wedding, which nearly dried out Sanzo's gold card, and Jeep and Hakkai had spent the past five weeks running around the country, delivering the invitations) but they had to admit it was worth it.

Finally, PIL took pity (on herself) and forced the two dolls apart, just as a gang of demons crashed into the church.

"GET THE SCRIPTURE!" they bayed. Screaming, PIL hid behind the podium, cowering in fear. Gojyo and Goku whipped out their weapons, and sliced through the first wave of demons. Sanzo and Hakkai soon joined them, and Kougaiji and co. joined with the demons.

PIL, who's hiding place had been discovered by a demon, screamed as he sliced her bag open.

"THAT WAS MY FAVORITE BAG!" she bawled at him, hurling her four voodoo dolls. The Sanzo party screamed in fear as the demon sliced through the dolls with his claws. Immediately, they dropped to the ground, certain they were dead. When nothing happened, they looked up accusingly.

PIL rubbed the back of her head.

"Ah . . . those weren't _really _voodoo dolls - when Gojyo and Goku were kissing, I actually had a puppeteer friend of mine force their hands around, so . . . yeah."

"You mean . . . that all that blackmailing, all that money spending could have never happened?" Sanzo growled. She nodded nervously.

"So you are saying that I didn't _really _have to spend five weeks running around and delivering the invitations to all the people you invited?" Hakkai asked, a dark smile on his face. Again, PIL nodded.

"And I didn't _really _have to marry that guy!" Goku and Gojyo shouted, pointing at one another. She nodded again.

"Oh well, the past is the past, right?" she asked cheerfully. "Let's just kiss and makeup and then you guys can beat these demons up!" she yelled, flailing her arms.

The Sanzo party exchanged looks. "

"Get her," they said in unison.

PIL fled, screaming as a dragon clawed at her hair, as chi blasts missed her by inches, as bullets knocked aside strands of hair, and a chain and a staff beat her continuously.

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**So . . . you like? You don't? And if you read this, please review! Cuz I went through a beating from the Sanzo party to write this!**

**Review!**

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